Overwhelmed? What to do when we are overwhelmed

Being overwhelmed is one of the first signs that our nervous system is not coping with the pressures of life.  It can be a really dreadful feeling with lots of symptoms, including feeling spacy, not being able to find words, not being able to think clearly, and feeling tearful or angry, anxious or panicky.  More on symptoms further on.

In the world of trauma therapy, our understanding of overwhelm is that it is due to events or circumstances being one (or a combination) of the following three:

• Too much
• Too intense
• Too fast

Too much

When we talk about too much, we mean just too much to have to cope with.  This includes relentless low (or high) level stress, too much to do, or to think about, day after day after day.  Too many decisions to make, too many tasks to fit into 24 hours, and just one thing happening after another.  Not to mention the huge number of unplanned or incidental issues demanding our attention all the time.  And all this with no respite, and no time to recover.  'Too much' seems to be by far the most common driver of overwhelm, so don't discount overwhelm of this kind, even if nothing really bad seems to be happening.  It can still be 'too much'.

If you've read this far and you can resonate with some of this, then chances are, you have experienced overwhelm at least once or twice!  It's almost the norm in these days to be grappling with slightly too much on our plates, but the point at which 'slightly too much' tips over into overwhelm, is where we need to make some changes.  More on this below.

Too intense

A less everyday cause of overwhelm is when things are just too intense.  This means that life events or circumstances are too difficult emotionally, or too hard to work out cognitively.  It is most apparent when there is too much risk involved, or when there is a threat of danger.  When this happens we are very likely to feel overwhelmed, and we may even freeze or feel very detached from physical reality.

Too fast

The third cause of overwhelm is when things happen too fast.  They might have been fairly easy to cope with had they happened more slowly, or with space to think and respond adequately, but they all happen at once.  Or it's something which necessarily happens very fast, as in the case of a car accident, or the moment in which you hear news which turns your life upside down.

You will have spotted by now that all these can cause overwhelm at the same time.  There can be too much going on, and then something happens which is emotional too intense; or you could be grappling with things which are extremely difficult to manage, and they keep coming faster and faster.  Or just the sheer volume of daily things to do and manage and plan for will become more overwhelming if they have to be done faster and faster.

Try thinking back now to the last time you felt overwhelmed, and see which one of these causes was at the root of your overwhelm.  Too much, too intense, or too fast?  Or a combination?

When you do feel overwhelmed (which you might, just having read all this!), you may experience any of these common physical reactions in the body.  That's normal and natural as we react to overwhelm in the unconscious brain, which expresses itself through the body.  (Why in the body?  That's the subject for another blog).

• severe butterflies
• feeling spacy or dizzy
• unsettled stomach
• inability to take a deep breath
• areas of tension in the body, particularly in the neck or shoulders
• headache
• no sense of connection at all with the physical body

In the brain (this is also physiological, although it feels like a mental symptom)

• you can't find words
• you can't move or speak
• you can't think clearly, or at all

Long-term, overwhelm and its accompanying physical effects can lead to the following states and conditions

• anxiety, sometimes generalised anxiety
• sleeping problems, either getting off to sleep or waking and not going back to sleep
• nightmares
• always feeling that you are missing something crucial
• long-term inability to think clearly
• always on the look-out for the next bad thing to happen
• difficulty making decisions
• difficulty carrying out decisions
• lack of self-confidence

The thing is this:  you are not alone if you are experiencing any, some, or even all of these.  There's not something wrong with you, either.  It is your brain in its survival mode doing what it is supposed to do, keeping you safe by ramping up fight and flight modes (they are supposed to be almost always on, but at a really low level of activation).  It's your survival brain reacting to what it perceives as a threat, that is anything which is much too much, too intense, or too fast.

So, what are we going to do about it?

We are going to look at the most likely, and the most obvious cause of overwhelm, having to deal with too much.  If you have resonated with the feeling of too much going on, read on.

There are four things we can do right now, to deal with overwhelm from too much.

1. Reduce the demands on you.  You can do this by finding someone to help you.  Spread the load!  Work out what you don't have to do yourself, and delegate or buy in competent help.  For anyone who is dealing with running a household or bringing up children as well as everything else, there is one great, amazing, stupendously helpful thing you can do.  Employ a cleaner!
2. Shoehorn into your packed schedule regular periods of respite.  Even ten minutes will do, if you just stop thinking about what you have on your to-do list.  This may seem impossible, or like wasting valuable time, but will actually make you more efficient and save you time AND your mental health.
3. Actually just stop doing some things.  Work out what you really need to do, and strip away the extras.  Be ruthless.  One way of doing this is to make three columns on a large piece of paper and head them 'Non-negotiable', 'Necessary', and "Would be Nice'.  Non-negotiables are the things like getting the children's breakfast, walking the dog, your job.  Anything which would cause major damage if you didn't do it.  Necessary are the things like grocery shopping, going to the gym, phoning your mother.  These are things that can be tweaked (get your groceries delivered, do some work-outs at home, put a time limit on necessary phone calls).  Would be nice includes baking your own bread all the time, ironing bedsheets and finding a really fancy layout for your weekly report.  Ditch these entirely until you feel less overwhelmed.  Try writing down everything you do for a week, in the appropriate column, and see what you can cut down on or abandon altogether.
4. Review your efficiency.  Some really simple things can help.  Your demands can be reduced, for instance, by batching tasks, or by finishing one thing before you start another.  Consider doing all your emails in one go, once a day, or cooking twice the amount you need and freezing half.  Finishing the thing you are doing before starting the next also does wonders for preventing overwhelm.

I hope some of these ideas resonate with you and that you can put at least one of them into practice straight away.  I suggest starting with the one which seems easiest, and actually do it.  

Remember, it's ok if you reduce your workload or give yourself some time to rest, even if briefly.  If you revive, get clear, then get on with things, that's not being selfish or lazy, and it's not a luxury.  It's being efficient.

If you're interested in changing your brain's unconscious reactions to chronic overwhelm, then I have something more for you.  The Calm, Confident Brain online programme is a great way to learn the tools to create feelings of safety, calm and clarity, so you can get everything done and enjoy your day without overwhelm.  Scroll right down to the blue link below.